The Effects of Loneliness—and Simple Strategies to Fuel Connection
While Valentine’s Day celebrates love and connection, it can also highlight feelings of loneliness. Whether you’re single, grieving, or even in a relationship, this sense of isolation can be even more pronounced on Valentine’s Day. We turned to LifeSpeak expert Dr. Reena Kotecha, a physician and organizational consultant, to understand the effects of loneliness and discover practical strategies for building meaningful connections. Dr. Kotecha offers valuable insights and actionable steps to help you cultivate a stronger sense of belonging, regardless of your relationship status.
Imagine that you’re at a party. The buffet is laid out as a feast, the DJ is playing your favorite feel-good tracks, and you’re dressed in your most flattering outfit. You look around you and there’s no one there to enjoy this occasion with, or worse still, you’re surrounded by people but are struggling to connect with any of them.
How do you feel? Chances are you’re experiencing a sense of loneliness.
While my hope is that you’ve been lucky enough to never have been in one of the two scenarios I’ve outlined above, there’s a strong likelihood that, like me, you have experienced loneliness on occasion, if not more frequently. If you can relate to feeling lonely, you’re in good company. According to a worldwide Statista survey of more than 23,000 respondents aged between 16-74, about 33 percent of adults experience feelings of loneliness worldwide.
That’s 1 in 3 of us.
While the stereotypical view is that loneliness is more likely to impact older and more isolated people, the research reveals something different. Of course, older people can and do feel lonely and isolated. After all, the older you get, the more likely you are to lose social connections through retirement or the passing of dear family members and close friends. But studies show that it’s in fact the younger generation that reports the most loneliness.
A survey of 55,000 people conducted by the BBC found that 40% of 16 to 24-year-old participants ‘often or very often’ felt lonely, compared with 27% of those over 75. The higher levels of loneliness in young people were evident across cultures, countries, and genders. This may seem somewhat unexpected because the majority of young people today are connected to hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals around the globe through technology and social media. Interestingly, however, social media can fuel a sense of disconnection and inadequacy through constant exposure to ‘carefully curated perfect portrayals’ of other people’s lives. And it’s not only Gen Z that struggles with this constant comparison and FOMO (fear of missing out), it affects adults across all age ranges, as does loneliness.
The reasons for loneliness are multifactorial and varied. For some, it may be that they’re feeling lonely through bereavement or divorce, or perhaps they have a lingering and nagging sense of not being heard, seen, or understood in their family unit or friend circle. For others, it could be that their work has shifted from an in-person to a remote setup and they’re missing out on the after-work socials or water-cooler conversations, or they’re physically dislocated from family and friends due to migration for work or university.
Whatever the specific reason for our loneliness might be, there’s a growing body of evidence that highlights that loneliness has negative implications for our health and wellbeing, and unsurprisingly, the COVID-19 pandemic has fueled more research into the effects of loneliness.
How does loneliness impact us?
The first notable effect of loneliness is that it’s intricately linked with stigma and shame. US Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy said, “People who feel lonely often are ashamed to admit it. They think it’s equivalent to admitting that they are not likable or that they’re socially insufficient in some way”. Sadly, the stigma that surrounds loneliness can lead to a lack of admission and acceptance which in turn can prevent people from taking measures to overcome their loneliness.
We also know that loneliness has a bi-directional relationship with mental illness. That is, loneliness can contribute to or worsen common mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, and mental illness can promote or worsen loneliness. For older adults, loneliness can lead to earlier cognitive decline and onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Loneliness also impacts our physical health. A meta-analysis conducted by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University, found that loneliness posed comparable danger to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and was more predictive of early death than the effects of air pollution or physical inactivity.
While there are a host of diverse reasons for and effects of loneliness, the good news is that there are also numerous ways we can buffer ourselves from it.
Limiting loneliness in your personal life
Think back to when you were a kid in primary school. While you had lessons to get through, your break time was spent playing with your classmates. You might have also had additional activities integrated into your weekly routine by way of after-school club or weekend play dates and birthday parties. Luckily for you, all you had to do was show up and have fun because the organizing and planning were taken care of by the adults in your life. Now that you are the adult in your life, I wonder how much social time you plan for your day, week, or month? While it takes effort to set aside a date, time, and place to play soccer or volleyball with a group of friends, meet your extended family members for lunch, trek to the other side of town to visit a museum or gallery with your partner or visit your grandparents. Scheduling social activities into your calendar is well worth the effort and the fun as you make new memories and strengthen ties with those around you.
If you’ve moved away from your nearest and dearest for work or college, or you’ve never really felt close to those around you in the first place, you can still connect with others through locally organized events which you’ll find advertised in the community library or local cafe. While the research shows that social media can promote a sense of loneliness, I also believe it can fuel connection. The difference lies in how you utilize it. Instead of spending hours scrolling through filtered Instagram photos consider signing up for online channels designed to fuel connection. One which I’ve personally used before is Meetup, a social media platform that offers a list of activities, gatherings, and events for people and communities of similar interests, hobbies, and professions.
Another great way to connect with like-minded people is through volunteering. Giving back through combined and purposeful effort and action is a productive way to make meaningful connections. In current times there’s a need for fundraising and contribution of time and talent in many areas including mental health, food poverty, domestic violence, elderly care, climate change, environmental conservation, animal rights, and more. Find a purpose you’re passionate about and join a voluntary group to offer what you have and meet others doing the same.
Limiting loneliness in your professional life
Feeling lonely at work is a common phenomenon that stems from a number of different reasons, from toxic team dynamics, to having family commitments that prevent you from joining after-work socials to having your bestie at work leave the organization, to working remotely. When loneliness strikes at work, it becomes as much a business issue as a health issue. It affects not just how you feel, but how you perform and how engaged and creative you are. Chances are if you’re feeling lonely at work, others are too, so consider taking the first step in reaching out to a coworker to head down together to the cafeteria for lunch instead of eating solo at your desk. Start a new trend of random acts of kindness in the workplace by sending a note of thanks or recognition of a positive impact on your teammates.
If you’re a manager, create the conditions for connection by spending a dedicated five to ten minutes of each weekly team meeting learning about one another’s lives. While formal team-building activities are helpful, consider also sponsoring a lunch with no agenda, just giving people a chance to come together and talk. And be the leader who welcomes team members’ contributions, ideas, or questions and listens without distraction, you’ll likely notice a shift in rapport with and between your team and in doing so generate a deeper sense of unity and trust.
In summary, while there are a host of diverse reasons for and effects of loneliness, the good news is that there are also numerous ways we can buffer ourselves and each other from feeling lonely.
Concerned about the impact of loneliness on your employees and members? LifeSpeak’s wellbeing solutions offer resources and expert advice to help individuals build stronger connections and combat social isolation. Book a demo today and see for yourself.
About the author, LifeSpeak expert Dr. Reena Kotecha, MD, Organizational Consultant, TEDx/International Public Speaker
Dr. Reena Kotecha studied medicine and undertook a research degree in Neuroscience and Mental Health at Imperial College London. She is trained in the therapeutic use of Mindfulness Meditation at the British Mindfulness Institute. Reena has a keen interest in workplace wellbeing and her offerings focus on evidence-based approaches that enhance staff health and wellbeing on a personal level as well as productivity, performance, and engagement on a professional level.