Want to Build Resilience? Try Gratitude Exercises

With World Gratitude Day approaching on September 21st, we’re taking the opportunity to explore the power of gratitude exercises. We turned to LifeSpeak Inc. expert and renowned author of Gratitude Infusion, Kerry Wekelo, COO of Actualize Consulting, for her insights on harnessing the transformative power of gratitude. 

Kerry’s practical strategies go beyond simple appreciation. She delves into how to actively integrate gratitude into daily life, turning challenges into opportunities for growth and fostering a more resilient mindset. 

In life, there are few things we know for certain. One of those is that we will face challenges and roadblocks—both literally and figuratively—as we navigate our daily life. How we navigate those challenges can make us stronger and more resilient.  

Of course, focusing on forward movement in times of struggle is easier said than done. From an evolutionary perspective, there were key benefits to having what researchers call a “negativity bias”. While focusing on environmental threats may have helped humans back when there were clear predators, dwelling on what could go wrong in the 21st century will only hold us back from happiness and problem-solving.  

Focusing on the negative is not the key to a productive life… so in comes gratitude. While I can – and will, in the next few paragraphs – personally vouch for the way it has changed my life, researchers can empirically vouch for how it may change yours. Gratitude is proven to increase self-esteem, enhance willpower, strengthen relationships, deepen spirituality, and boost creativity. According to a study by Robert Emmons, one of the leading researchers on gratitude, patients with chronic pain noted a 10 percent improvement in sleep quality when keeping a gratitude journal. Not only does it reap all these benefits, but it is free, efficient, and easily accessible. It is truly the key to increasing mental capacity, moving forward positively, and living a peaceful life.  

To help get you started on your own gratitude journey, I am sharing three gratitude exercises that keep me mentally strong.  

Strategy 1: Not getting caught in the spin of things 

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is, “How do you have the capacity to do all you do?” People in my life see that I am a single mom, the COO of Actualize Consulting, and an active volunteer at school and in my community. They see that I do my best to make time for my team at work, my friends, and my family. They don’t understand how I invest so much time into all these areas without feeling overwhelmed.  

Here’s my secret – I have discovered that handling challenges gracefully and as quickly as possible is the key to staying uplifted and expanding capacity. The festering, spinning, and time spent thinking about challenges are what I remember having been time-consuming for me in the past.  

Years ago, when I was faced with a challenge, I would talk to as many people as I could that would listen. One time, after spending hours venting about one particular issue, I noticed that I did not feel any better and nothing was resolved.  

As Actualize Consulting started expanding and my kids participated in more activities, I had less time to spin on the challenges I was facing. I had to identify the issue at hand and move forward as quickly as possible. That is when I created the 3P Method of Pausing to Pivot to a Positive. Use the first step, Pause, to allow all feelings. The crucial task here is to think about what went wrong in order to accept it, but recognize it is not beneficial to get carried away with hurt or disappointment. In this step, I also like to consider my own accountability – what did I do to escalate the situation? Then, I pivot out of the negative spiral by focusing on a positive outcome or gratitude for what went right. At the very least, there is a lesson to be learned in the challenge. Once you stay grounded in gratitude, it lifts your spirits enough to be able to effectively problem-solve.  

I will give you a personal example. In the midst of hosting thirty-eight people for a pre-pandemic Thanksgiving, I discovered that my toilets were not holding up. While others were shopping on Black Friday, I was trying to get a plumber to help with my situation. My family was still at my house to see the issue unfolding; my problem-solving process was on full display. Instead of getting stressed or agitated, I focused on being grateful that I still had a bathroom that worked instead of dwelling on the ones that did not. I set the intention that the latter two would be fixed that day. I called two plumbers, and one said they could be out that afternoon. The plumber ended up coming within an hour and fixed everything. 

By adding gratitude to the 3P Method, the short amount of time it takes to come to a resolution is mind-boggling. Even if I wanted to allow my head to spin in a challenge, it no longer feels good or productive. Plus, the impact of pausing to pivot to a positive and focusing on gratitude is cumulative. Now when I face conflict, I immediately focus on staying grateful for the things I have and can control, and the path to a resolution instantly becomes clear. 

Strategy 2: Reword your negative thoughts to create gratitude 

It has been speculated that those who are bilingual may exhibit different personalities in the different languages they speak. This might be due to the words they readily have available in their mind or how well they know the intricacies of the language. In a similar way, I have found that the words and thoughts I use influence the way I interact with the world. When I have a negative thought, rephrasing it to something positive shapes the way I think about that activity in the future and in my conversations with others. Now, I rearrange every challenge as something for which to be grateful. Here are some examples.  

• This project is challenging with a tight deadline. I am grateful the project’s end is near. 

• I am not feeling inspired in my job. I have a steady job and I am financially stable. 

• It is taking us an excessive amount of time to meet our goals. I am clearer on what we could have done to be more efficient and that we have made strides of forward movement. 

• My boss micromanages. I am learning what it takes to succeed.  

Go back to a recent challenge you experienced. Reflect on how you dealt with the challenge. How could you have handled it differently? Can you find something to be grateful for from the experience? Take those lessons so you can handle challenges more effectively in the future. 

Strategy 3: Curing resentments 

Grudges and resentment are self-poison; often, we hold on tightly to hurt thinking that the other person will see our wounds and make amends. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Some people don’t like to admit that they were wrong, or simply don’t realize the pain their actions cause. Resentments can show up in the body as a pit in your stomach, tightness in your shoulders and chest, or back pain. If left unresolved, it can increase the risk of depression, heart disease, and diabetes.  

In my personal life, I resolved to move past hurt to pursue peace. In my journey to forgive and forget, I found 5 main points of reflection to be helpful: 

• List out current resentments that take up space in your mind. Consider what causes you angst when you think of these events or people. Acknowledge these moments to be able to let them go. 

• Be grateful for what happened. Even if it was negative, focus on the lessons that can be learned. 

• Recognize that people are likely not trying to harm you with their actions; they may be projecting or acting out of their own pain. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. 

• Know you do not have to salvage the relationship. If the hurt is too large, it is okay to close that chapter of your life without guilt. If you can save the relationship, think of it as a bonus. Do whatever you feel is best for your wellbeing. 

• Determine how you can move forward to let go. 

• Write a letter of how you feel and burn it 

• Talk it out with the person 

• Schedule time to confide in a coach or therapist 

• Verbally release it with a phrase. For example, “I am grateful for this experience and lesson, and I now release all resentment from [insert name].”  

Forgiveness can be hard and take time – but it can restore peace and wellbeing in your life.  

Gratitude is not always the easy choice – it is human to have a variety of emotions, and not all of them are positive. But by actively striving to see the positive in the world, I have become a greater leader with increased capacity. I hope you consider implementing a few of the strategies that have changed my life and career for the better.   

More than just a fleeting feeling, gratitude, as Kerry demonstrates, is a pathway to building lasting resilience and navigating life’s challenges with more grace and positivity. As we celebrate World Gratitude Day, let’s remember the power of these practices to create a ripple effect, positively impacting not just ourselves, but also our relationships and communities. 

Ready to cultivate a more resilient workplace? LifeSpeak offers a library of expert-led microlearnings, including insights from Kerry Wekelo, where employees can access proven tools for mental, physical, and family health.

Request a demo and discover how LifeSpeak can support your organization’s wellbeing.

About the author, Kerry Weleko, executive coach, mindfulness expert, and COO of Actualize Consulting

Kerry Wekelo, MBA, is the Chief Operating Officer at Actualize Consulting, a financial services firm and the author of Culture Infusion: 9 Principles for Creating and Maintaining a Thriving Organizational Culture and Gratitude Infusion. Kerry has been featured on ABC, NBC, NPR, The New York Times, Thrive Global, SHRM, Inc., and Forbes.