Expert Voices: What is Workplace Bullying? With Registered Psychotherapist Janna Comrie

We’ve all seen it happen, maybe even experienced it ourselves. You remember the schoolyard bully – the taunts, the isolation, the feeling of helplessness. But what happens when those hurtful behaviours, sometimes disguised as subtle microaggressions, follow us into adulthood and show up in our workplaces? What is workplace bullying, and how can we address it? October is Bullying Prevention Month, and we’re featuring the work of LifeSpeak expert Janna Comrie, MA, Registered Psychotherapist, who shares her expertise on this important topic.

Growing up many of us remember the bullying that happened at school. Whether you were the victim, witness, or perpetrator, we are all familiar with the types of things that happened. Kids were called names, and belittled, their belongings were taken or hidden, rumors were spread, they were excluded from groups and clubs or picked last, sometimes there was even gum put on their chair or all their pencils or the charging cord for their computer was taken so that they couldn’t do the day’s work. But have you ever had a moment on your job where you felt like an 8, 12, or 15 years old all over again? Where, at work, you felt insecure and helpless? This might be a sign that you are being bullied at work.

“It is behavior within the workplace that is intended to intimidate, belittle, embarrass, limit, spite, mock, or control a person or group of people’s behavior.”

What is workplace bullying and how common is it?

Workplace bullying is, unfortunately, not uncommon. Surveys have reported that as many as 40% of full-time employees endorsed feeling bullied at work. It is behavior within the workplace that is intended to intimidate, belittle, embarrass, limit, spite, mock, or control a person or group of people’s behavior. It takes many forms that are very similar to those experienced by school-aged children. It can involve a myriad of tactics and can range from extremely subtle to completely overt. Workplace bullying is not related to the demands of the business or job and is not related to an individual’s performance. It might include:

• Practical “jokes”
• Withholding information or providing wrong information that may cause someone to be unable to perform adequately.
• Unrealistic or changing workloads, dates, quotas, and/or delivery deadlines designed to ensure poor performance or failure.
• Talking down to or belittling.
• Denying vacation, leaves, sick days, or promotion without a justifiable reason.
• Yelling, screaming, and the use of profanity.
• Constantly changing working rules, regulations, and guidelines without a just reason.
• Threatening demotion or job loss that is not the consequence of poor job performance.
• Intimidating.
• Spreading rumors.
• Taking, tampering, or sabotaging items in a person’s workstation, equipment, or personal items.

Distinguishing between bullying and constructive feedback at times can be difficult. It is important to be able to distinguish between the two. Constructive feedback is done with the needs of the workplace as well as the safety and productivity of the employee in mind. It is evidence and reason-driven and might include changing schedules and workload, implementing and enforcing health and safety protocols, providing work instructions, and assessing performance. It may, at times, include reasonable discipline that is assigned along with a clear outline of what was expected and why, as well as what was done that contravenes policy, procedure, or protocol. It typically also is delivered along with an employee’s right to appeal and what is required to file an appeal. Typically, one can ask themselves in these situations ‘Was this something that the average employee would see as fair and reasonable given the circumstances?’

Those who experience bullying in the workplace, however, answer a clear and emphatic “No!” to that question. They often feel helpless and angry.  It is not uncommon for those who are being bullied to feel that they have no control. Many begin to notice anxiety-related symptoms, including upset stomach, shortness of breath, shakiness, feeling the need to get away, dreading going to work, difficulty sleeping as well as difficulty concentrating. They may feel that they are vulnerable.

Who is most likely to be bullied?

While it is true that anyone can be a bully, a 2017 study by the Workplace Bullying Institute found that men were more likely to be bullies (70% male to 30% female) and women were more likely to be targeted by both genders. In addition, individuals of color, those from Indigenous communities, those with identifiable religious backgrounds, those who are part of the LGBTQ2S community, and those with disabilities were more likely to be targeted.

Here are some do’s and don’ts if you are experiencing bullying in the workplace:

DO:

• Recognize that being bullied at work is not your fault.
• Talk to trusted friends or coworkers about what is happening as factually as possible. Having support makes it easier to feel safe and speak out.
• Document the facts—time, place, witnesses, if any—and the details of the bullying. Keep emails, messages, and voicemails that may speak to the inappropriate behavior. Having a document outlining subtle or repeated incidents helps to provide a clearer picture of what you have been experiencing.
• Engage in good self-care. This includes focusing on good sleep habits, diet, exercise, and, most importantly, fun social time with friends. Recognize that work is one part of your life, not the entirety of it.
• Familiarize yourself with the policies that are being violated as a result of the bullying.
• If you feel safe, let the individual know that their behavior is unacceptable and ask them to stop. If they don’t stop, speak with a manager, supervisor, or someone from HR.
• If you do not feel safe to confront the individual, have a trusted colleague, union/association representative, or HR team member address the person with you.
• Go above your manager or to HR if your manager is the one engaging in the bullying.

DON’T:

• Retaliate.
• Accept that it’s okay.
• Think that it’s just going to stop if you ignore it.
• Do not quit without speaking up—you have rights, and there are people in place to help you if you need to fight for those rights.

When one seeks to address bullying behavior, it is important to remember to separate the deed from the doer. This means that you want to focus on the unacceptable/problematic behavior and not the person. Problematic behavior is generally much easier to change than a problematic person.

“By understanding what constitutes bullying and taking the appropriate action, whether you are the bully, the bullied or the employer, you can help to create a healthy and productive work environment.“

What if you realize that you are the bully?

First, it is important to understand that the fact that you recognize that you are engaging in the behavior is the first step to changing it. Start by asking yourself why you are doing this. Are you trying to be funny? Are you worried that the person that you’re bullying is making you look bad? Have you, yourself been bullied, and now you are treating others the way you’ve been treated? Is it part of the culture of the environment that you work in? For example, many first responders, play practical jokes on each other and particularly on rookie employees. They feel that they went through it and, therefore, the new person should have to – Yet they also recognize that they hated it! While it may be a “tradition,” it is hard to deny that it can be very mean-spirited, demoralizing, and humiliating and can leave a new hire feeling like an outsider.

This is not what you want in a partner or co-worker that you might need to depend on, especially in an emergency! Most bullies don’t feel good about hurting others or treating them poorly. Once you have identified why you are engaging in the behavior, it is important to stop and think about other ways that you can have your own needs met without it being at the cost of someone else. Recognize that you shouldn’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours look brighter! Seeking a few sessions with a mental health professional can help speed this process up and leave you feeling good about yourself.

What can employers do to help?

Employers can be very clear and have written policies on workplace violence and harassment. They can offer workshops on defining these clearly during which examples should be provided.  Employers should clearly define ‘Workplace Bullying’ within these policies and the consequences for those who violate these policies. Employers should be mindful of how a bullying incident is spoken about and that any individual found to have been bullied be offered appropriate support both on and off the job to work through any feelings that they might have. The employer can also make a point of reviewing these policies regularly and updating them as necessary.

Bullying in the workplace has the potential to cost everyone involved – the bully, the bullied as well as the employer. But by understanding what constitutes bullying and taking the appropriate action, whether you are the bully, the bullied or the employer, you can help to create a healthy and productive work environment.

Workplace bullying isn’t just an employee issue – it’s a business issue. By addressing bullying head-on, organizations can create a more positive, productive, and supportive environment for everyone.

Building a respectful, supportive workplace takes a proactive approach. Discover how LifeSpeak’s comprehensive wellbeing resources support your employees in living healthier, happier lives. Book a demo today and see LifeSpeak in action!

About the author, Janna Comrie, MA, Registered Psychotherapist

Janna Comrie holds a master’s degree in counselling psychology and has a research background in brain, behavior, and cognitive science. She has been working with individuals, couples, and families who have experienced traumatic circumstances for over 15 years.